I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You can't motorboat a personality
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
