I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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