make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
