I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
