Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
