Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize