If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
