It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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