She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
