yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
