So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize