I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I cockslap morals
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize