Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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