I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
