I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Two words: blizzard sex
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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