After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
