Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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