why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
