Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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