I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
