Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
