can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My dick has a subreddit
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
