so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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