this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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