Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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