your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
