a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
