He uses pillows to masturbate.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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