Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
