when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
