you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
