What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
