is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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