you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
