I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize