You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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