i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
