she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
