How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
