I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
