bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
