Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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