gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
