You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
