If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
