On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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