i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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