Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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