Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
