Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
