I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize