Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
