Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
