It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
