I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
