A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
