In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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