she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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