They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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