k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
