I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
