I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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