my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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