she woke up with a sticky ear
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
