I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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