dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
