im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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