You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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