Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
