I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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