Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
