The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
someone owes me an orgasm
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
