people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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