is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
