Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
