I heard we made out
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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