Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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