hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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