Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
