??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
