handjob tips. give me some.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
