Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
