what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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