I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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