i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
