So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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