someone owes me an orgasm
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
