i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
