ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
