Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
