Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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