I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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