Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize