Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
