I look better un-naked...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
