The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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