When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
